The best way to brighten your life is running Color Me Rad 5K: coming to a town near you.
Color Me Rad is coming to a town near you with a tsunami of color that'll make colored tears of joy run down your cheeks and will renew your will to live.
Color Me Rad is a 5K that fires off in a blaze of color bombs, color cannons, color mortars, and multi-toned courses that guarantee your outlook will be brighter, your boyfriend will be more affectionate, your boss will finally remember your name, the hair on your head will grow back and the hair on your back will fall out, and your gray outlook will turn green like a spring morning.
Historically, running has only been acceptable when trying to escape the law, personal responsibility, the truth, and grizzly bears.
Instead of running FROM something, get ready to run FOR something at this year's Color Me Rad. Run for the hell of it.
You'll start off with a shirt as pure and white as your granddaddy's dentures, and throughout the run, we'll coat your chaffing thighs with Color Bombs of blue, green, pink, purple, and yellow until you come out like a tie-dyed hippy on the other side.
Each section of the run adds a new explosion of color to your clean, painter's palate until you cross the finish line into a final blitzkrieg of color.
You're probably asking yourselves, "Is this really color being thrown at us or are the rainbows we're seeing just God's signal that it'll never flood again?"
Glad you aksed. This isn't just smoke and mirrors. This is non-toxic, non-rash-inducing, Kroger branded, colored cornstarch.* With corn subsidized by the government and processed in the good o'l US of A, these blasts of starch will change your color and your demeanor but never your safety or health.
Ingredients: Corn starch and FD&C and/or D&C colors. Color safety information: Approved for use in foods, cosmetics and/or drugs. These products are not considered hazardous, 29 CFR 1910-1200.
District of Columbia